Breastfeeding: the benefits, the hard bits, and respect for every mother

Breastfeeding is one of those things people talk about constantly before the baby arrives and then almost never honestly afterwards. So let us be honest here. It is genuinely good for babies. It is also, for a lot of women, one of the hardest physical things they will ever do — and some mothers cannot do it, or decide not to, and that is entirely their business and entirely okay.

This article covers what the NHS says about the benefits, the practical things that make it easier, what to look out for if feeding hurts or the baby is not settling, and why every route to a fed baby deserves the same respect.

First, the recognition

If you are breastfeeding right now, you are doing something relentless. Eight to twelve feeds a day in the newborn weeks. No one else can take that shift. You will feed through cracked skin, through cluster feeds that last four hours, through visitors who ask if you are "still doing that", and through nights where you genuinely cannot remember which side you started on.

We know this personally. Our daughter had a tongue tie that went undiagnosed for months. Feeds took an hour, she was rarely satisfied, and my wife was in real pain the whole time and kept being told this was normal. It was not normal. It was fixable. By the time it was picked up, both of them had been through months of something that did not have to be that hard.

So this is our recognition, first and loudest: to every mother who has fed through that. It counts, and it was not nothing.

The benefits, according to the NHS

The NHS recommends exclusive breastfeeding for around the first six months, then continuing alongside solid food for as long as mother and baby want. The evidence they cite for benefits to the baby includes:

• Fewer infections — particularly stomach bugs, chest infections and ear infections, with fewer resulting hospital admissions
• A lower risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)
• Lower rates of childhood obesity and type 2 diabetes later in life
• Antibodies passed directly to the baby, adapting as the baby is exposed to new bugs

And for the mother:

• A lower lifetime risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer
• A lower risk of osteoporosis and cardiovascular disease
• Help with the uterus contracting back after birth
• No sterilising, no bottles at 3am, and no cost

Colostrum — the thick golden milk in the first few days — is worth its own mention. It is small in volume and enormous in value, packed with antibodies. A newborn's stomach on day one is about the size of a cherry, so those tiny amounts really are enough.

What good feeding actually looks like

The NHS position is simple: breastfeeding should not hurt beyond initial tenderness. Ongoing pain is a sign that something needs adjusting, not a rite of passage.

Signs the latch is working:

• The baby's mouth is wide open with more of the underside of the areola in their mouth than the top
• Their chin is touching the breast and their nose is clear
• Cheeks stay full and rounded rather than sucking inwards
• You can hear or see rhythmic swallowing, not just fluttering
• It is comfortable after the first few seconds

Signs it is worth asking for help:

• Pain that continues throughout the feed, or damaged, cracked or misshapen skin afterwards
• Feeds that go on for an hour or more, every time, with a baby who never seems settled
• A clicking noise during feeding
• Fewer than six heavy nappies a day after day five, or ongoing concerns about weight

Tongue tie: the thing we wish we had known

Tongue tie (ankyloglossia) is when the strip of skin under the baby's tongue is shorter or tighter than usual, which can stop them from getting a deep latch. The NHS estimates it affects roughly 4 to 11 in every 100 babies. Many babies with it feed perfectly well and need nothing done at all. Some do not.

Things that made us suspicious in hindsight:

• Feeds that never seemed to end and never seemed to satisfy her
• Persistent pain and damage rather than the "first two weeks" tenderness we had been promised
• A clicking sound while feeding
• The tongue not lifting or extending past the gum
• Slow weight gain

Division of a tongue tie is a quick NHS procedure, usually done without anaesthetic in tiny babies, and feeding can often be attempted straight afterwards. If you suspect it, ask your midwife, health visitor or GP for a referral to an infant feeding specialist and push if you are brushed off. You are allowed to ask twice.

Where to get real help in the UK

• Your midwife, health visitor or GP — they can refer you to infant feeding specialists
• National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212, 9.30am to 9.30pm every day
• NHS Start for Life and the NHS breastfeeding pages
• Local NHS or Children's Centre breastfeeding drop-ins and peer supporters
• La Leche League GB and the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers

Ask early. Almost every feeding problem is easier to fix in week one than in month three.

And now the part that matters just as much

Some women cannot breastfeed. Insufficient glandular tissue, previous surgery, medication that is incompatible, a baby in neonatal care, retained placenta, severe mastitis, birth trauma, sepsis, or a mental health picture where continuing would do real harm.

Some women can and choose not to. Returning to work, other children, a history of assault, medication for their own health, or simply because they get to decide what happens to their own body. That last reason is a complete reason on its own. No explanation is owed to anyone.

The health difference between a breastfed and a formula-fed baby in a country with clean water and regulated formula is real but modest. The difference between a mother who is coping and a mother who is drowning is enormous. Infant formula in the UK is regulated to strict compositional standards and is a safe, complete food.

So: massive respect to the mothers who breastfeed. Massive respect to the mothers who combination feed. Massive respect to the mothers who formula feed from day one and never look back. All three of you have a fed baby and a body that has been through something extraordinary.

How Circle helps either way

Circle does not care how the milk gets there. You can log breastfeeds with a live left and right timer, expressed milk, formula, or any mix of the three, and everyone in your circle sees the same log in real time.

That matters most at 4am, when you cannot remember which side you fed from, or when a health visitor asks how often the baby is feeding and you can export a clean week's summary instead of guessing. Your partner can see the pattern without asking you a single question. Ten days free, then £1.99 a month for the whole circle.

This article is general information, not medical advice, and reflects NHS guidance at the time of writing. If feeding hurts, if you are worried about your baby's weight, or if you suspect tongue tie, please speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP.